Its a little hard to wake up everyday and find yourself not doing what you imagined you would be at the moment...
Life can be so routine, and yet sometimes it can be so surprising. At my age, at this time, I imagine that I would be graduating with an associates. I pictured myself having the responsibilities of an adult and yet living life carelessly. Because of certain life situations I then found myself living in another state, finding out who I really was and learning the abilities I had in myself that I did not know. Still, there was peace in my heart that God had taken me out of a bad situation and had me under his wing. The process wasn't easy, yet it was re-assuring. When I thought I had it all together, other situations got in the way again. Coming back home was the hardest thing I had to do. Re-adjusting and getting back into the sync of things back at home was quite...painful. Yet again, I felt peace because I knew that God was guiding me.
I am now lost. Never in my life have I been so confused, so angry, so empty. Finding yourself not doing the things you imagined you would be and hating the things you love is scary. Not knowing the next step is scary. Finding that you are also changing as a person is the cherry on top of the scary-ness. Not that I don't trust in God, but for the first time in my life I simply don't know what to do. Learning to trust in God is, yes, wonderful, but at the same time quite...scary. He can change your world, turn it upside down and you'll yourself in a place you didn't think you would be in.
I can't really see where God can take me from here. I'm constantly wondering if the decisions I'm making are the right ones. But just like He's taken care of me through the good, He will take care of me through the bad. He hasn't forgotten my dreams, my desires, my heart, although I sometimes think He has. He simply has a plan for, and I need to understand that I don't need to know every detail of it yet. When I'm lost all I need to do is hold on to His hand and feel peace that wherever He is taking me, it is all part of his master plan. When I'm empty I need to hold on to the promises in his word, know that I am never alone, and he fills me with his love. When I'm angry I need to cast my burdens on him and let him be my avenger.
My life has been quite the journey. He has always come through for me. Although I may find myself in a place that I don't understand what is going on, I can learn to trust in Him daily.
