I appreciate the days where I have nothing to do. I actually enjoy them. I always have work, or ministry activities going on and somewhere in between I have to run the 238974 errands to keep my life perfectly balanced. I REALLY appreciate days where I have nothing to do.
Its sunday, and that usually means that I just finished a day of getting ready and then church and then home for lunch and finally a time to rest. But today I am in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the country, enjoying a wonderful sunday. The bestie is taking a nap and liz is doing hw, and although there are people here it is quiet. And I love it. I barely have time throughout the day where it is just quiet. Today Im sitting here in a rocking chair taking a stroll down memory lane and thinking about how weird and different life has turned out to be since June. It will almost be a year where I made a drastic change for the better, and I am so amazed at how life has turned out. A little under a year ago I did not know how life would be from then on. Life was so routine for almost 13 years of my life. Now, I catch myself wondering who I even at this point. I surprise myself at little things I do, I find myself smiling a whole lot more than I was used to. I am myself because it is finally acceptable. No requirements, no limits. I can't even grasp the idea that life is now just becoming how it is. How did I ever make it this far? I can't imagine life being any other way now, and that is perfectly fine. God sure has a sense of humor. I did not know how I was going to survive life's drastic changes, but now I don't know how I survived life before the drastic changes.
I am loving life now.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Get set, GO.
Its Friday afternoon, work is done and I'm just at home hanging out in my room sitting on my reading chair. This week has been an amazing one. I don't know if its due to the weather, but I finally feel like I am out of this funk I was in for so long. It began somewhere in January, when things began to feel so routine. This comparison might sound funny, but I felt like a hamster running around in the wheel. Going nowhere, just spinning my wheel.
Okay, that sounds really funny.
I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it because part of me felt like I was just complaining. After all, I honestly have a lot to be thankful for, and nothing is routine because everything is still partly new. Ha. But still, I felt stuck. Two weeks ago I began to fall into some sort of depression. I wasn't sleeping, I had no appetite, and I had no desire to do anything. It didn't make sense though because I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying. I talked to a new guy friend who told me that it sounded like I was depressed and needed to just talk to someone and see what it was. Sunday night I shared with two friends all my worries and fears. And then when I realized, all the food on my plate was gone. We sat down to talk and before I knew it I was fast asleep.
Sunday I made a decision to get rid of all the distractions in/around my life and just get back on track. I cracked open my bible when I read Hebrews 4, a chapter which speaks of the Promise of Rest. This chapter says that God has promised rest, but that we need to be obedient, faithful, and mix the word of God with faith. Verse 10 says "For he who has entered His rest himself also ceased from his works as God did from His." Now, I may be taking this verse out of context, but what I got out of it is that until I enter the rest of God (which I believe is heaven), I still have a lot of work to do down here. I am not spinning a wheel with nowhere to go, everything I do is for a reason, and I still have a purpose whether I realize it or not. I may not be where I saw/thought I would be 3 years ago, but I am here and instead of complain I need to understand and figure out why I am where I am.
Life hasn't been better since. Going to sleep with a smile-waking up with a smile. Smiling at random times throughout the day. I don't understand why, but I know that my purpose and work isn't done and that in itself has been the biggest drive throughout this week. I was reminded of the times that I go out for a run, and set a destination. While I am running and out of breath, I feel like I am never going to make it. But when I finally reach my destination not only do I feel accomplished but also tell myself that I complained for nothing. Life isn't over yet, I'm not spinning a wheel; all I've been doing is reaching "checkpoints" in this race. Eventually I'll get to the finish line, but I'm not in a rush. This is the path I'm on and I will praise my way through.
Okay, that sounds really funny.
I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it because part of me felt like I was just complaining. After all, I honestly have a lot to be thankful for, and nothing is routine because everything is still partly new. Ha. But still, I felt stuck. Two weeks ago I began to fall into some sort of depression. I wasn't sleeping, I had no appetite, and I had no desire to do anything. It didn't make sense though because I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying. I talked to a new guy friend who told me that it sounded like I was depressed and needed to just talk to someone and see what it was. Sunday night I shared with two friends all my worries and fears. And then when I realized, all the food on my plate was gone. We sat down to talk and before I knew it I was fast asleep.
Sunday I made a decision to get rid of all the distractions in/around my life and just get back on track. I cracked open my bible when I read Hebrews 4, a chapter which speaks of the Promise of Rest. This chapter says that God has promised rest, but that we need to be obedient, faithful, and mix the word of God with faith. Verse 10 says "For he who has entered His rest himself also ceased from his works as God did from His." Now, I may be taking this verse out of context, but what I got out of it is that until I enter the rest of God (which I believe is heaven), I still have a lot of work to do down here. I am not spinning a wheel with nowhere to go, everything I do is for a reason, and I still have a purpose whether I realize it or not. I may not be where I saw/thought I would be 3 years ago, but I am here and instead of complain I need to understand and figure out why I am where I am.
Life hasn't been better since. Going to sleep with a smile-waking up with a smile. Smiling at random times throughout the day. I don't understand why, but I know that my purpose and work isn't done and that in itself has been the biggest drive throughout this week. I was reminded of the times that I go out for a run, and set a destination. While I am running and out of breath, I feel like I am never going to make it. But when I finally reach my destination not only do I feel accomplished but also tell myself that I complained for nothing. Life isn't over yet, I'm not spinning a wheel; all I've been doing is reaching "checkpoints" in this race. Eventually I'll get to the finish line, but I'm not in a rush. This is the path I'm on and I will praise my way through.
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