Leaving Ur

2011 is over.

Many people usually wait for the end of the year to realize all the mistakes and regrets and make new year's resolutions to make sure they don't repeat them again. I have done that for the past who knows how many years, and each and everytime I failed. This year, for once in my life, I didn't have any regrets. I didn't want the year to end.

Not to say that mistakes weren't made, because plenty were. I had loved the wrong people, let in the wrong people, I had invested all my energy in many friendships and potential relationships that were bound to fail from the get go. I made mistakes, but how can you look at the mistakes when so much good has also taken place in your life?

This year I left my Ur. A place that I never fit into, and yet it was my whole life. I longed and longed to be in a place where I knew that God had called me to, but fear kept me from ever moving. Finally God made the way, not in the way I expected, but nevertheless He made the way. My whole was completely turned upside down. In the bible, God tells abraham to leave his country, leave his family, everything in the past. In 2011, God told me to leave my past too.

Leaving Ur, I found myself when I left everything behind. I learned how to be independent, and yet to at the same time how to depend on others. I learned the true meaning of family, all the while I far away from mine. I learned how to be myself in a place where no one knew me. I learned how to worship extravagantly while no one was watching. I learned how to fend for myself while many held me up. I learned to walk the path God called me to, while many pushed me along the way. I learned the true meaning of happiness through brokeness and tears. It has been the hardest process being alone and learning to walk by myself, and yet having so many people around me who genuinely love me.

While I am writting this tears fall down my face because I can't believe I made it through again. I see the path more clearer than I have before. I am still scared, because life hasn't quite made sense and I know it will continue to surprise me at every turn. No matter what life brings ahead, I refuse to be like Lot's wife, who when God commanded the no one look back, she did and turned into a pillar of salt. I have nothing to look back to but broken dreams and shatter esteem. In my past lie my regrets and mistakes, the old me who was looked down and pushed to the back. But my future holds a new me, who will make a difference in the kingdom of God, who has a beautiful calling.

The person I have become over the last 6 months has all been thanks to wonderful people God has placed in my life over the past 6 months.

To the Gomez family: a beautiful family who God placed in my life. I never ever got close to my friend's family the way I have to them. They have not only taken me in as a friend, but as a fake daughter. Michelle, the most wonderful friend in the world! who has continued to be a rock in my life, and will probably never know how much I owe her for being where I am. Thank you for sharing your wonderful family with me.

To the Rivera family: my awesome Y.A. pastors who took me in like true shepards and stood in the gap for me through many prayers, and took a chance on a girl who was a mess and saw beyond it. You guys have made a bigger impact than you think in my life. I love you both so much!!

To my family by faith: la familia, who continued to love on me when many walked out. Your faithfulness has taught me the true meaning of friendship.

AND last but most importantly my family, who though didn't understand, have stood by my side and yet given me the freedom to walk the path God called me to. Who, although I miss very much, have seen my happiness and never manipulated me into going down the road they are. They have given me the liberty to walk my own steps and I could never thank them enough for this.

Leaving Ur has been a time full of oxymorons. But life doesn't need to make sense. Nothing in the bible made sense to people, until they started to trust in God and forget all and just took the first step.

2012, Im not looking back, but I sure am going to look forward.

Here we go.