Taking a risk

My family used to get together for memorial day or the fourth of July and take a little trip to a park called Highland Park, located in Highland Park. We would have our family picnics there and we would all bring our bikes because on the other side of the park was this very steep hill that gave us the biggest adrenaline rush ever. Looking back at it, it's a miracle that no one ever was sent to the hospital. Actually, it was very stupid of us. We would get to the top of the hill start biking down and then lift our feet up because we could no longer pedal due to how fast we were going. Sometimes if we felt we were losing control we would go in to the grass and just throw ourselves down because we would have gotten hurt if we kept going down.  At the time I must have been 10/11 yrs old.

If you were to ask me to do that again now, I would tell you that you're out of your mind and walk away.

I want to reach that point of risk-taking that I used to have. I want to be like I used to be when I was younger and take risks and not care about what COULD happen, but believe that everything would be okay when I reach the bottom of the hill. That even if I know that something bad might happen, I simply steer into grassy areas and start climbing that hill again to complete my goal.

I've lately been so frustrated at what my life has turned out to be. I've had resentment, to a certain point, toward all those who get everything handed to them and dont appreciate what they have in front of them. One of my biggest dreams right now and biggest desire is to go back to school. I long to be back in a classroom and just learn about everything and anything. Everytime I think I'm close enough life gets in the way. After quite sometime of being out of school, I find myself at the top of the hill wondering if I'll ever have the chance to reach the finish line, the bottom of the hill. I find myself watching others reach that finish line as I stay up there. My other prayer is to have the guts to fall in love. I watch others fall in love and feel the adrenaline rush as I keep chickening out because I'm too busy "guarding" my heart. I don't want to get scratched up or bruised up, but honestly the only thing that happens is that I watch others have the time of their life as I stay on top of the hill because I'm too scared to go down.

I've been on top of this "hill" for quite a while. Too scared to go anywhere. Stuck in the same place. But I can hear a voice in my head telling "Get on that bike and start pedaling". I have no idea what God has in store, but I know that I'm tired of seeing everyone reach the finish line. I realize now that I have to go back to the attitude I used to have when I was a younger girl and not even care about what the outcome might be, but to go down the hill carefree and believe with all my heart that I will be okay.

It's time to start pedaling.